Scene from the upcoming epic movie “Jeff saves the world”
coming to an imagination near you
****
Interior: Camera pans in slowly on a darkened room, lit by only the soft glow of a Mac Book Air screen. Robert Plant’s Little by Little plays over the computer while a solitary figure sits in front of it. On the laptop screen there are multiple windows open, including twitter and the website he, apparently, writes for.
Jeff: (singing) Little by little (hums) Little by little the air clears, little by little I can breath again…
Glancing over his windows, Jeff checks twitter. Scanning through the usual articles he refreshes his timeline over and over. Clearly bored. Jeff sees something on his screen
Jeff: (audible groan) Aww come on. Are you serious? Get that s**t out of here. (pause) Oh are you….I mean….now you’re just being silly!
The camera closes in on the screen to reveal the ESPN NBA Trade Machine being used by several people on twitter, many of which are centered around his favorite team.
Jeff: THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE!! That … I mean …. Is that guy even in the league anymore? That’s like trading our best player for a half a ham sandwich and an over-ripe banana. Done! For god’s sake….
Quickly picking up his phone Jeff fires off a text to a friend:
Do people understand these trades make no sense??
(no reply)
I mean I just read one that was so ridiculous I almost CHOKED on my water. CHOKED!
(no reply)
ARRRGGGHHH!
Returning to twitter, Jeff scans the mentions of the person who proposed the trade via the Trade Machine. The person is getting bombarded by people who over-value the people they wanted traded for, and roasted by fans of my team saying that the players they would receive are garbage!
Jeff: (yelling) That is because the trade made no freakin sense. GOD! I hate this f**king thing … I want to tear my clothing every time I see a ridiculous … I mean …
Realizing that he sounds silly, Jeff relaxes and decides to glance at the website he writes for. He was doing ok until he looked at the comment section.
Jeff: For the LOVE OF….
With increasing dismay, Jeff reads the proposed trade on the website and it was remarkably like the one on twitter, but only more favorable to his favorite team.
Jeff: IS THIS A CONSPIRACY AGAINST SANITY!!?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE IT MAKES NO SENSE! Look I’ll show you people how it’s done…
Caving into his worst instincts Jeff attacks the Trade Machine to come up a trade. He works and works and works on it. Matching salaries as best he can to match the NBA’s rules. Finessing. Fine tuning. He arrives at what he believes is a workable deal and quickly tweets it out.
Then he waits.
A nagging, sinking feeling comes over Jeff as he waits for his first mention. Then, his worst fears are realized as he gets his first reply.
Jeff: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Jeff tears his clothing and screams at his ceiling.
The trade he came up with was the exact same one that he made fun of. Little by Little plays as the camera pulls back in a wide shot as Jeff collapses to the floor and weeps.
