5 – The Billy Goat

For 108 years the Curse of the Billy Goat has safeguarded the world from apocalypse by preventing the Chicago Cubs from winning it all. Perhaps distracted by this abominable election season or by gawking at some sketchy Halloween costume options, the goat failed in its mission and now we are all ripe for the End of All Things. Thanks goat – you had one job! For Cubs fans, however, as a fellow fanbase suffering through an eternity of non-championship seasons we are thrilled for you, and hope you celebrate this for as long as you can – or basically until Cthulu, the Great Dreamer, brings about the downfall of humanity.

4 – Sam Dekker

You know how it goes: you’re running for the basket, 30 feet free of everyone else, thinking about how you’re gonna impress the ladies and get on Sports Center and generally remind people that you’re a professional basketball player… when all of a sudden the 3-point line force-swats you to your knees and instead of glory, you get this:

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Congratulations Sam! You definitely made Sports Center. The rest might take a little more work.

3 – Joakim Noah

Noah: Hey is this Sam Dekker?

Dekker: yeah, how did you get my…

Noah: Look, I don’t want you to feel bad about hitting yourself in the face with the basketball on national TV, so I’m gonna take some pressure off you on the blooper reel, k? I got your back. Wait til you see this shot.

Dekker: I’m not sure that’s…

Noah: All for one! Captain Planet!

Dekker: What the…

Noah: LEEEEROOOOOYYY!!!

2 – Nuggets Generosity

When a team has an 8 point lead with 47 seconds left it should be pretty safe. Maybe not if Reggie Miller is hanging around waiting to kill your dreams but otherwise you have to work hard to blow a lead like that. Apparently the Nuggets aren’t afraid of hard work. As detailed here by our own Ryan Blackburn, the Nuggets rolled up their sleeves and got down to the business of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. To show it wasn’t a fluke, they then blew the lead down the stretch in Toronto against the Raptors in their next game. Hopefully the Nuggets will turn that trend around soon and all that effort will result in wins instead, because right now they are dominating the Stiffs Lists.

1 – Suns and Spelling

Another week, another jersey gaffe. This time it’s the Suns, who have Eric Bledsoe in the middle of a $70 million contract but just treated him like a Starbucks barista treats your coffee cup.

Seriously, Suns? If you can afford $70 million for Bledsoe, can you please pay a couple of nickels for a spell-checker? Not a good look for a franchise that needs to convince its fanbase that it knows what it’s doing.